Here I stand years later. I see a "professional" about my diet and she tells me the same things I remember vaguely from my "athlete" days. I had it all along. She turns something in my memory causing me to remember. I have done this before. That means I can do it again.
When I went off to France I was afraid to leave my trainer behind. He assured me I would be ok. I started my mornings with a jog through wheat fields. Five miles now. The scenery was amazing! I can't describe the rush I received from those morning runs. When I came back to our villa I would swim. Laps upon laps. For the first time in years I was comfortable in a swimming suit. My employer's friend who hadn't seen me in months commented that I looked like a new person. I felt like a new person.
Digging through old boxes the other day I cam across the two piece swimsuit that I had purchased specifically for the trip. It looks so small. I started to cry. I felt as though it belonged to a deceased friend. Old and familiar but also as though I may never see the owner again. Inside me I hear a small voice saying "I am still here". I am taking the small steps I took before. I am praying that somehow they lead me back to that place. The one where I am watching the sun rise over grape vineyards, the one where people approach me and don't recognize, the one where I run and I don't stop. I just keep going.
